Lover's Spat
by HumanKnotGirl
Summary: A boy and a girl get in a bitter feud, and the entire city suffers. Crack fic.


The sound of police sirens could be heard for miles around, flashing red LEDs contrasting the white ambience of the city streets surrounding Sunshine 60. Civil soldiers armed with oversized shields and long batons tried with near-futility to hold back the onslaught of red-eyed rioters, all hellbent on storming the building and overtaking the group holed up inside.

One could say that, even for nights in Ikebukuro, this was not an ordinary Saturday night. But that's getting too far ahead of oneself. Our story begins about one week ago, at the Ryugamine apartment. Much shouting could be heard from inside.

"Oh, you're just impossible!"

"I'm impossible!? You're the one who brought it up in the first place, Anri!"

"Because I thought you would be on board with the idea! How I was I supposed to know you hated roller coasters?" You see, Anri had purchased passes for an up and coming amusement park that would be set up along the piers for six days. She was hoping to surprise her boyfriend Mikado, but apparently he had a stick up his butt or something because the reaction turned out wholly different.

But in all honesty, this wasn't the first time that summer, or even that month, that the two lovers had gotten into a spat. It seemed to be happening more and more as time wore on. Frustrated, Anri grabbed the door and opened it. "You know what, when you get over your immaturity at not having everything your way, let me know." With that, she disappeared into the night.

Exasperated, Mikado Ryugamine sat down at his computer, fuming. Browsing the Dollars Bulletin Board System, or BBS, did nothing to quell his anger, so he gave up that, grabbed his bag, and took off for the streets as well.

He had no idea where he was going, or what he wanted. All he knew was that he cared for Anri and this continual disconnect was really killing his vibe. Worry began to overtake him, followed by serious doubt. As he rounded the avenue into West Gate Park, he saw a familiar face, or rather, a lack of.

"Hey Celty, do you have a moment?"

The figure turned around and saw him. Pulling a phone from her sleeve, she began to type a message on the touchpad. "_What is it, Mikado? You look a little more depressed than usual._"

"Well you see, it's about me and Anri."

"_Oh. Did you two have another fight?_"

"We did."

"_Might I ask what it was about?_"

"Well...," He paused. "Anri wanted to go to that new attraction being set up down at the pier. But I get really motion sick so we got in a disagreement about going. And it cascaded into an argument about how we never do anything together and generally lead different lives."

"_Mikado. Having differing interests isn't necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes you two need to indulge in each other even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone. Do you think Shinra and I share like minds about what constitutes a good time? Of course not. But we try._"

"You're right, and I know that. I just..."

"_Look, it doesn't matter what you two do as long as it's something and it's together. A good relationship is about compromise._"

"I...you're right," sighed Mikado. "I'm a jerk."

"_You're not a jerk. You're just young and inexperienced. You'll get better. Now, you know what you need to do._"

"Yeah." With that, the boy began to trudge along the avenue once more, knowing he had the serious egg on his face to clean up. Unfortunately, he would find that egg had been laced with something seriously acidic, and that he was about to get burned. Horribly.

As he made his way to Anri's apartment, he found that she wasn't home. Wandering the streets proved fruitless, so he decided he would meet up with her at school the next day and plead his case. But she wasn't there. Nor could he find her the day after. It would appear the girl had completely vanished.

Literally peeved at this point, he set up an All Point's Bulletin in the BBS. _If anyone knows the whereabouts of the leader of Saika's Children, please inform me at once._ Surprisingly that did the trick. Within three hours, a message popped up stating that the girl was seen at the library. But Mikado's heart began to sink when a third message popped up.

_Yeah, she was with some boy! Maybe one of her subordinates? They were flirting heavily though._

Anri flirting with another boy? Impossible, but...after everything that happened...could it be she was trying to make him jealous? Mikado had to get to the bottom of this. Snatching up his bag, he rushed to the library in time to see it close.

And what he witnessed made his heart sink. "Anri..."

"M-Mikado! It's not what it looks like!"

"You're...cheating on me?"

"I...well..." With that, the girl looked down with a deep sigh before collecting herself. "Mikado...I think we need to take some time away from each other. I'm sorry I couldn't be outright with it, but...I'm really sorry..."

The realization of what had just happened awakened something truly foreign to the boy: malice. Hate. Fury. The desire to cause nothing but agony toward the girl who had just thrown a blade into his heart, so to speak.

"Mikado, I-"

"Stop talking." This caught the girl off guard, and he continued. "I will make you pay for this. Mark. My. Words." And that was it. He took off in the opposite direction, pulling out his phone and giving an old friend a call.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So will you help me?" Mikado asked as he sat across the table from his friend.

"Let me get this straight: you want me to leak information of every member of Saika's Children to the Dollars in order to incite a small scale war on them?" A nod. "I never thought you would become so cunning. What did your girlfriend do to piss you off so badly?"

"I'd rather not go into that. And she's...we're not dating any longer."

"Very interesting," Izaya Orihara replied with a smirk. "I will fulfill your request. As far as payment goes, I will reduce my standard rate by forty percent, as a generosity for a brother in lost love."

"I don't need your pity, but thanks." With that, Mikado stood up and showed himself out. As he did so, Izaya's assistant Namie Yagiri came over to collect the contract.

"When you said 'brother in lost love,' were you implying that you're actually human enough to love someone else?"

"Would that surprise you?" Izaya flashed a grin as he took a sip from a wine glass.

And so the next day, a Thursday, a second bulletin was announced on the BBS. Across the city, ambushes began to break out in what looked like ordinary citizens fighting other ordinary citizens. But the truth was far more sinister. Members of the Dollars were finding suspected soldiers of Saika's Children, and brutally assaulting them without provocation.

Was Anri Sonohara, the leader of Saika's Children, going to take this laying down? Of course not. So on Friday afternoon, as Mikado turned the key to get into his apartment, Anri slipped behind him, a kanata to his throat. "Call them off."

The boy didn't even flinch. "Shouldn't you be out with your new lover?"

"Call them off!"

"No." Suddenly he felt a foot square in his back, slamming him through the door and onto the floor of his apartment. As he looked up at his ex-girlfriend, she said nothing. All she did was store her blade and walk away, unable to face him and his arrogance.

Saturday rolled around. The fighting escalated, as Saika's Children began to fight back. It wasn't long until half the city was embroiled in what could only be described as a battle royale: friend against friend, rival against rival. Nowhere was safe.

So you're probably asking yourself, who won out in the end? Well, that's where we've ended up now. You see, the thing about Saika's Children is that they really know how to fight. And while members of the Dollars do undergo a period of self-discipline and defensive conditioning, they weren't quite as polished as their adversaries. So the two hundred or so members of the Dollars who had yet to get their asses kicked holed up in the upper floors of Sunshine 60, trying to hold out for just a little while longer. There, now you're caught up.

Mikado Ryugamine knew he couldn't keep this up forever, but his pride wouldn't allow him to surrender. So at nine in the evening, he stepped out alone, asking for Anri to do the same. Suddenly, the crowd of red-eyed soldiers parted, and there she was.

"What do you want, Mikado?"

"One last battle, you versus me."

"I don't have to indulge you; as far as I can tell, you've already lost."

"I'll never lose to you. Meet me at the top floor." With that, he began to walk back into the building.

"Coward!" The girl ran after him, but he was already in the elevator by the time she made it inside. It took another three minutes for the elevator to come down, and then 90 seconds for it to go back up again. Opening the door and stepping onto the roof, she saw he held a blade in his hand, ready to strike.

She charged after him, and the two began to square off, strafing as metal hit metal. She remarked in her head how her ex-boyfriend had quite the reflexes despite appearing so average in gym class. Knowing she needed an edge and needed to end this quickly, she rebounded backwards and hopped onto an elevated platform.

"It's over, Mikado! I have the high ground!"

"You underestimate my power!" Mikado raised his blade once more.

"Don't try it!" But it was too late. Mikado ran forward, propelling himself upward and aiming for her chest. Instinct kicked in, and the enchanted Saika blade took over, rapidly shifting before slashing the boy's legs, cutting them to ribbons.

A scream pierced the night sky as Mikado Ryugamine collapsed, rolling around in agony. Anri sheathed her blade, unable to say a word. Tears welled in her eyes and she ran to the elevator, trying to put the whole incident behind her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"And that's when Izaya shows up and gives Mikado artificial legs, turning him into a sith lord who takes over Ikebukuro," concluded Masaomi Kida. "So you see? Now you have to go out with me!"

Anri Sonohara just stared at him in disbelief for several seconds, unable to comprehend anything the imaginative leader of the Yellow Scarves had just told her. After mulling it over, she finally spoke.

"Masaomi, I understand that you're upset because Saki Mikajima dumped you earlier this week. But, I find it really hard to believe that Mikado would re-enact Star Wars just to get back at me over some fight you imagined in your head."

"...So is that a no?"

Anri Sonohara pulled out her blade and just whapped him with the flat end before walking away.


End file.
